I Was Drinking
Hastings Wyman, Jr.
We went to a party. The men stood around with drinks
Howard told about the time he and Jim drove over to a
hunting club in south Georgia. The club had a strict
rule against drinking in the lodge. If you wanted to
take a drink, you had to go outside. Howard said when
they got there, everybody was outside drunk.
Al told about his new dog. When he took him hunting,
the dog ran to retrieve a bird, but he didn't come back.
Al said when he went to see what happened, he found a
bunch of feathers. Later the dog got in the preacher's
sack and ate six more birds.
Sam said they hung a deer's carcass on a rack behind the
garage. Then they cut a circle around the neck. They in-
serted a golf ball under the slit skin. They hooked a nylon
cord into the ball and attached the other end to the trailer
hitch on the back of Jim's car. Sam yelled "hit it." Jim
hit it. The deer skin stripped off like an inside-out
sleeve. Sam said about that same time, Jim's Mama and
Daddy drove up in their Cadillac with Jim's little girl.
The little girl saw the skint carcass and started screaming.
The Cadillac flew out the driveway in reverse.
Jim told about goat meat. He said it gets gamey if the
skin stays next to it. So you take an air needle, stick it
under the skin, pump the goat full 'til all the legs are
sticking out, inflating the skin away from the meat. Then
you cut the goat's throat.
Then we went out on the patio. Susan talked about the house-
party at the beach. There were twenty-seven men, women and
children staying in the same house. She said the lady next
door thought they were gypsies.
Barbara asked whether that was the time they used magic markers
to write dirty words in the crotches of people who passed out.
Jim said not just crotches. He said he was walking down the
beach and people looked at him funny. When he got back,
he found out he had FUCK written on his forehead.
Howard told about the time the girl passed out at the frater-
nity house and they shaved off her pubic hair. Then they
glued it back on. He said they always wondered what she
thought when she took a shower and saw her pubic hair going
down the drain.
Everyone kidded Howard because his daughter turned four-
teen and has hips and tits.
Sam said since his mother died, his father acts like he wants
Alice said she had had two patients die. That they just
held her hand and went away peacefully.
Wayne put a half-gallon of vodka and a shot glass on the
round metal table. I was drinking Coca-Cola. We played
BUZZ. Everyone counted off. When you came to any number
with seven in it, or a number that could be divided by
seven, you had to say BUZZ. If you missed, you had to slug
a jigger of vodka.
Ed missed a lot. Everyone thought he missed on purpose.
Ed got drunk. He yelled out: This is not a rehearsal.
This is the real thing. He yelled it again.
We went home.